My old dad is 92. Last week he fell over. It was the most recent in a series of falls, until now not serious, if disconcerting. He broke his hip. I spoke to him while he was waiting in A&E and he sounded distracted, by pain and the hubbub around. Most of us, at some point, have spent time in A&E, surrounded by other distressed people, waiting, not knowing what will happen next or when. It can be a bewildering - and humbling - experience. We have a glimpse into the reality of how little we can control.
If we grow old, we may have to contend with the loss of physical power and function. Much as I believe yoga can help keep us in good physical and mental shape, it cannot do everything, stave off every accident and illness, prevent suffering - or bestow us with control over other people!
It brought to mind the Serenity Prayer, with its simple articulation of a difficult dilemma: what do we need to accept as being beyond our control, what is within our power to change, and how to tell them apart.
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
What yoga can do, however, is to help us as we navigate this balance between control and surrender, doing and non-doing. While we cannot control external events, we can patiently practise observing our own responses to difficult situations, slowing ourselves down so we have time to be more present and engaged. Gradually, we can learn to take ourselves less seriously, hold others more tenderly, and reside in the not-knowing and not-doing places more comfortably. We become more aware of the bigger picture.
I find this a beautiful, poetic reflection on the same theme:
Perfect Joy
Here is how I sum it up:
Heaven does nothing; its non-doing is its serenity.
Earth does nothing; its non-doing is its rest.
From the union of these two non-doings
All actions proceed
All things are made.
How vast, how invisible
This coming-to-be.
All things come from nowhere!
How vast, how invisible
No way to explain it.
All beings in their perfection
Are born of non-doing.
Hence it is said,
'Heaven and earth do nothing
Yet there is nothing they do not do.'
Where is the person who can attain
This non-doing?
- Chuang Tzu (translated by Thomas Merton)
Here’s me and my lovely dad, sitting in the October sunshine having lunch together at the end of last year.
And one parting gem from Jack Kornfield, a reminder not to get too caught up in the small stuff:
In the end, just three things matter:
How well we have lived
How well we have loved
How well we have learned to let go.
― Jack Kornfield
Such a moving account Frankie. Thank you for your generosity in doing so Clare xxx
Thanks Frankie, that was lovely.
I hope your dad's ok 🤞🏻🙏🏻